No, I did not crap my pants, I had a turd pipe break in the crawlspace of one of my rental properties and since the pipe was broken, it didn’t know where else to channel the poo and pee water so it piped it all into the crawlspace and flooded it.
See, it all started when I got a conefall from the tenants saying the furnace was blowing cold air. He also mentioned there was a bunch of water down there (he didn’t mention what kind of water though) and since I had drained an old water heater there so I could get it out, I didn’t think much of it. So I send the furnace guy down and he doesn’t wanna work on it cause he said there was poopy water down there and it had submerged the furnace about 6″. And a funny thing about that is, the furnace blower is located on the bottom half of the furnace so that means the fan was dipping down into the shartwater, picking it up, flinging it all over the inside of the furnace, and evenly distributing the vapors throughout the house via the ducting system. So, I can understand why the furnace guy didn’t wanna mess with it yesterday.
Well, I figured I better get down there asap so I called my trusty plumber who’s quite literally a bundle of joy and a super nice guy – Ken LeLaChuer with LeLaChuer’s pluming and of course he was super busy because he’s a good plumber but he found it in his heart to come down and help me find the cause of the blackwater leak. Not only is he a great plumber but his last name contains 3 capital letters, which is cool.
When I got down there I walked in the place and it stank like a bunch of poopy, dirty single guys, which they are. But when I got down into the crawlspace, the stank was definitely more intense and it’s a GOOD thing I have a nice paint respirator cause I wore it the whole time. A couple times the seal between my face and the mask was broken and some of the atomized crap slipped in and about made me gag. Meanwhile, LeLaChuer seemed content with one of those crappy dust masks that don’t do squat but whatever. He’s such a good spirited ol boy and was just joking and laughing at the smell, bumping his head every 5 minutes crawling around under the house, and working in nasty cramped conditions with other people’s poo everywhere.
So he worked and I vacuumed up the poop water. I had to climb up the awkward narrow, steep stairs, taking extra care to not slip on them and cover myself in my tenants’ jobbies and urine. And yes, I did get some on me, you betcha but thankfully it wasn’t like an entire splash, just a spot here and there. Gross.
It was a nasty job but it could have been nastier. See, the crawl space I mention was tall enough in most parts so we didn’t actually have to get down and crawl through the turd water. And I don’t know if any of you have seen raw sewage, but it’s pretty much all black and dirty looking with fluffy sludge floating on top, which is toilet paper. So that’s not too bad, but right where it was coming out of the pipe there were actual loaves of peoples’ breakfast, lunch, and dinner that they’d eaten and that was probably the sickest part cause some of it got on my vacuum hose and it was yellow-orange like certain dog poos. Also, vacuuming this nasty stuff stirs it up pretty good and intensifies the smell so yea, once again I’m glad I had a good paint respirator.
So you see, being a slumlord isn’t always as glamorous as you might think. Poop is gross and so is pee and other waste water.
Down the crawl space – imagine being as steady as possible while carrying a big heavy bowl full of turd punch
There are 2 furnaces because it’s a duplex. Both of these were partially submerged in the black water.
Back behind here we had to crawl in and that’s where it got pretty awkward and uncomfortable, not to mention poopy.
See, this house was built in about 1901 or something like that and it’s been added on, and re-did and rigged with cardboard, bailing wire, duct tape, etc. over the years so it’s not very pretty down there.